For my blog post, I want to sort of
continue on with the sexual assault topic that Alyssa had written about in her
post. Mine pertains to child sexual assault, but mostly I'm talking
about it because in this case, I know the man that assaulted these girls.
As many of you have found out, I
have been in martial arts from the age of four. I take classes and teach at the
National Karate Schools at a few of our locations here in Illinois. About three
years ago now, one of our instructors, Dean Fuerstenberg, was arrested. He
"was charged with four counts of aggravated criminal sexual abuse and six
counts of criminal sexual assault for allegedly engaging in sexual acts with
minors at the South Elgin karate studio where he was an instructor". The
abuse was said to have happened between 2003 and 2005. The girls were between
the ages of 9 and 15.
The most shocking part of all, at least
to me, is that I knew him. He was someone I trusted, someone my parents
trusted. He was a world class fighter and coached the NK team that he
established within the schools. In 2003, I would have been about 8 years old.
He tested for his fifth degree black belt a year later at the same time that I
tested for my first degree with my dad.
I know that the girls that he did
things to are victims in all of this, but at the same time, I feel sorry
for him. He was charged on Tuesday, after spending three years
in jail, "he admitted guilt to three counts of aggravated criminal sexual
assault – two in Kane County and one in DuPage County. He was sentenced to 15
years on the Kane charges and then, minutes later, to a concurrent 10-year term
in DuPage". He has to serve 85% of his sentencing, with the three years he
has already served going towards it.
He is also now
paralyzed from the waist down. A world class fighter is now
paralyzed. To me it’s unfathomable. Here is a guy that made a name for
himself and for the National Karate Organization, and he now spends his life in
a jail cell and is paralyzed.
I know I should talk more about the
girls involved in this case and how violence is affecting their lives, but I
feel like we should try to understand why a person commits the acts that he
does. I know that I probably don't want to know the answers, but I need
answers, especially for this. He was someone I trusted and that believed in my
abilities, but it was all a lie. What causes a person to commit the acts
that he does when he has a wife and four children at home? To me, it just
doesn't make any sense.
I
leave you with these questions in mind? Do sex offenders deserve to feel our
compassion? Do we have a right to feel sorry for them? Sex offenders and their
families suffer the consequences of their actions. Their families are looked at
differently and are treated differently. Sex offenders themselves have to
register as a sex offender and are not a loud to live in certain places or
neighborhoods. Everyone’s lives change after they commit their crime, but does
that give us the right to feel sorry for them or feel compassion because they
are sick?
This story makes me mad, but also sad at the same time. It's crazy to believe someone with a wife and children could be a sex offender. When people think of sex offenders they normally picture creepy old men in a white van of some for, but that's not the case. Anyone could be a sex offender, but why when you have such a great life ahead of you.
ReplyDeleteWas this man unhappy with his home life? Is that the reason why he chose to rape these young girls? Lets just say this man was not happy with his home life, and he felt that he needed to rape girls in order to feel some kind of comfort... that doesn't mean it's right. Just because this man, lets say was unhappy, doesn't give him the right to rape girls.
Going off the questions you asked I don't think it is ok to feel bad for a sex offender. It is there choice to do the things they do. Not only are they going to ruin the rest of their life, but they just mentally and physically hurt an innocent individual.
This is a sad story because the man had so much ahead of him, and he seemed to come off as a great guy. Unfortunately, there are so many people in the world that commit crimes like this and never get caught, because of their high profiles. More people need to speak out when someone sexually abuses them.
I also personally know a man with a wife and kids who is now registered sex offender. This was a man I went to church with, babysat for, and someone I thought my family and I could always trust. I absolutely know the same feeling of compassion for this man even after the horrible things he had done. He has done jail time, lost his company, and ruined his family. Because of his actions, his wife must raise three children on her own and now with only one income. When I initially heard the news about this man I thought I knew so well, I was extremely angry and upset, but after things cooled down a bit, I did feel sorry for him. I wondered what could have driven such a successful man do such horrible things. But as I think about it again and go through it all over again I only feel anger toward him. The people I feel sorry for are his wife and kids, whom he left to deal with all of consequences caused by his actions. Although I personally have felt this compassion, I don't think it was deserved at all. I certainly don't feel compassion for any sex offenders I hear about in the news and although the man I know personally was convicted for crimes more severe than theirs, I felt compassion for him that was undeserved.
ReplyDeleteTo the question, should we feel bad for them, I don’t particularly think we should. Yes they are sick, but when I’m sick I go get help. They know they have a problem and they don’t seek help to try and get help for the problem. They act on it and hurt other people intentionally. And for that I don’t think they deserve any sympathy. But from your point of view, you knew him. He was more than a story in the news. He was an actual person to you. When people judge people who have been convicted or even accused of sexual assault or rape they are seen to be less than human. People don’t think that they had a life; some have children of their own and families. You see him for the person you knew, everyone else sees him based on the crimes he was arrested for. Maybe he should be judged for those actions though; he took the innocence away from those children. They will never be the same again; they are going to be emotionally scarred for a long time if not forever from that experience. So serving 85% of 25 years seems minimal in comparison.
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ReplyDeleteWe had a teacher at my middle school who was fired (though not arrested) for inappropriately touching some of the girls, including one of my friends. He was married and had 2 sons; I used to see the boys at the swimming pool, and felt sorry for them.
ReplyDeleteMental health care providers are required by law to inform law enforcement authorities of any patient who tells them of a desire to abuse children sexually (even if the patient has not actually done so). This policy, while clearly intended to protect children, may actually put them at more risk by preventing pedophiles from seeking the help they need. I sure wouldn't tell anyone if I had that particular sickness.
I looked up more about the guy Emily talks about, and it looks like he turned himself in. He knew he was a very sick man. Also, a great many pedophiles were themselves sexually abused as children - it becomes a horrible cycle that can turn victims into abusers. (This is NOT to say that all those who were abused become pedophiles - it's the old "all A are B, but not all B are A" thing.)
Believe me, I have a daughter, and if anyone ever hurt her, I would want them locked away for life. I wonder if we could be doing more to prevent the abuse from occurring in the first place, in addition to punishing those who commit these acts.
See also: http://www.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2012/06/21/do-pedophiles-deserve-our-sympathy&view=comments
I wonder if it could be possible to have a safe way to try and help people who have this illness because I understand the severity of the crime they are thinking about committing, but I also would like to see a change where they allow them to get help. Because while well intended, the policy now may put them at risk of getting labeled a pedophile, or rapist even though they are trying to seek help and control the urges. That’s an interesting thought.
DeleteI don't think that sex offenders deserve to feel our compassion. Although they are sick individuals, they are still aware of their actions. I do, however, feel sorry for their families. These family members are the ones that go through the most changes(besides the victims). Not only is the offender looked at differently, but so is their family. I think it's sad that these families have to live with the guilt and other emotions that come with being so close to these offenders. It also saddens me that these offenders basically take their families down with them. Overall, my compassion is for the families more than it is for the sex offender.
ReplyDeleteI wish that we could just answer your question with a big fat NO! Sex offenders by no means deserve to feel our compassion, but we are human. Sometimes, we can not help but to pity a person, even though they have committed such terrible, monstrous acts. There is no "correct" way to feel about a sex offender. As an outsider viewing the crime, you may be enraged. Others may be confused, disgusted, or heartbroken. Emily and Diana both said their perception changed when they knew the offender. It is very important to note that they are not saying the severity of the crime is lessened by knowing the offender, but rather it has a more immense impact. If I personally knew someone who had committed a sexual offense, I would wonder what was going on through their head and if I could have prevented it. It is human to feel for someone you know because in most cases, they were seen as someone that was stable and "average." When these crimes are brought to the surface, however, it makes you wonder what changed them and you question trusting this person for the time you did.
ReplyDeleteCommenting on the martial arts instructor, does anyone think he almost deserves to be paralyzed? That sounds awful, but is the universe punishing him for what he put those young girls though? Those girls will never have a normal day or relationship without questioning the intentions of the people around her, not just men. I feel as if its karma, which reminds me of this story I read a while ago about a British mad who raped a woman and then found out she was HIV positive. I think it is ironic and if you read the comments below the article you can see basically most comment contains the word "karma."
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/british-rapist-contracted-hiv-victim-article-1.1444241
This is crazy. For anyone who has ever been involved in a sport or extracurricular activity just imagines someone you know and trust with almost anything, such as a coach or instructor. It’s mind boggling to think that someone who is so near and dear to you would be capable of doing these terrible things. However, as Emily pointed out these things do happen.
ReplyDeleteI think most of us just think, “Oh this would never happen to me or anyone I know.” However, as Emily stated these tragedies do happen. We need to be aware. Not paranoid, but conscious that these things can and do happen.
It makes me even more thankful for the coaches that I had growing up playing sports. These were individuals who were always looking out for my best interests and making me the best player I could become. It is sad to think that a coach or instructor who commits these terrible acts could permanently ruin something as enjoyable in a young person’s life, such as sports.
I think Emily makes a great point by talking about how we really need to understand why people commit these acts of sexual violence. These acts carry many implications and the more we do now to fix these problems the better the future will be for avoiding these terrible acts.
I am sorry for the mistrust that you have encountered because of this incident. I’d like to give my opinion on the situation and by no means am I trying to offend you in any way. I think an outside view of the circumstance may help you find the answer you are looking for. To answer your main question “Should we feel sorry or feel compassion towards sex offenders?” I feel it is perfectly fine to feel sorry for them because to me that is just you being a human. If you were to know the girls involved you would be on the other side of the fence. You would bias your compassion to them instead of him. If you have never personally been connected to sexual violence your compassion may be split to both the victim and offender. I think everyone would do this just on personal experience with in their own lives However, you knew the man and trusted him, you were on his side and in turn your trust became compassion. Prior to the incident you looked up to this fifth degree black belt and after the incident you wished he would not have done it so he would not have faced the consequences. Your compassion is a gift and you want to share it with that man who you could have viewed as a role model. You are human just like all of us and to give compassion to another human is just natural.
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